Today is the day!

Last nights outdoor yoga session with a few friends was exactly what I needed. This was one of the last times I’ll be able to do yoga for a while, so I wanted to have a meditative and intimate experience, and it was exactly that. 
I am nervous about the surgery today. It’s considered a “major surgery”, which is terrifying. So is the name of my procedure. Modified radical bilateral mastectomy. The “radical” part is what’s scary. But actually that just means they’re taking out the cancer from the breast and the involved lymph node(s)… Which is a good thing. So maybe I’ll just have to picture a hippie California surfer man saying “radical, duuuuuuude” and then I will feel more at ease with the verbiage. 

Because I’m a worrier, I have a fear that I won’t make it off the operating table. I know the chances of that are extremely low, especially because I am young and healthy, my heart is great, so is my blood pressure-basically without the cancer, I’m in tip-top shape. I’m vegan. 60% of what I eat is raw. I feel strong. I can imagine that I’m walking into today’s procedure in better overall health than most in my shoes. 

I also know in my gut that that fear is there to remind me of how much I love this life. I love it more now post diagnosis than I ever did before. Everything tastes sweeter. And the despair and pain I felt initially in all of this craziness was actually a very real wake up call to me. Because the darkness helped me come to know my desire for life, my own inner light. 

The life of my breasts might be close to over, but my life is just beginning. And I have so much life to live and even more love to share. 

Oh, and also:

I’m gunna be a Godmother!!!!! I am beyond honored and thrilled. Thank you Mark and Marci. I promise I won’t teach him too many swear words. ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜‰

I have nothing but positivity with me today. And I’m bringing grandmas angel ornament with me into surgery! (thanks Michael)

In 24 hours, I will be drugged up and cancer free! 

Thank you to everyone for your support. I appreciate it more than you know. 

13 thoughts on “Today is the day!

  1. Thinking of you today – all day. That sweet card brought tears to my eyes – tears of joy! As you embrace your cancer-free life, you will also embrace a brand-new life in the form of your Godchild! You’ve got this…Godspeed!

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  2. I’ve been thinking about you and your family all day!! Did you get the vibes I sent in savasana this am?? Heal thyself, Amy โค๏ธ

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  3. Goodness Amy. I know it’s been years but I am praying for you love.
    Much love to you
    – Becca (Geblein) English

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  4. Your words inspired me today. I can tell you have a warrior spirit. Stay strong. You will get through this.
    โš”๐Ÿ›กโš”

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  5. Amy. I have been thinking about you and your mom all day. Over 5 hours of surgery is not fun. I don’t care what they say to try to prepare you for the pain afterwards, it must seem unbearable. There are many of us out here that wish we could take on some of your discomfort, if only that were possible. We are rooting for you, Amy. I give you permission to scream, holler, and swear. Whatever works, right? You can do this!

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  6. Amy, I’m so sorry that I just found out about all this. I got your Google Hangouts message tonight when I, for inexplicable reasons, downloaded the app I haven’t used for so long. I’m worried about you, but I know you are going to be fine. I’m sending prayers, positivity and love your way and I’ll watch to see how you are doing on here. Use my cell phone to reach out 607-738-1704. I’d love to see you if I could.

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  7. You are an amazing young woman, Amy. You’re in my prayers and love through your road to recovery!! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜

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