Today I sing.

I have the dreaded oncology appointment today, wherein I will be fed statistics and survival rates and other comforting information.

And also, I cannot describe the amount of inner peace I feel regarding my decision for treatment. I feel more in touch now with my life’s purpose to serve others than I ever have. There are some things in life that cannot be explained. This is one of them. Through this diagnosis, I have come to recognize my own strength, and the amount of love for my fellow human that has always resided under layers of blubber and fear. Something in me has softened through all of this (aside from my muscle tone….. But really tho, my tummy has never been squishier. Actually maybe the beginning of college when I was chasing beer with pizza on the daily… Can’t wait to start running and power-vinyasa-ing again..)

I was having anxiety earlier in the week regarding this appointment. And then today, something miraculous happened.


I sang.

It was ultra phlegmy, and under supported (these tissue expanders have made deep, diaphragmatic breathing a whole new experience…). I nearly choked on my own throat-goobers so hard that I had to stop the phrase. But I sang.

I have not opened my mouth to sing since the diagnosis in April. The last time I sang was the day we buried my grandmother. Getting through the Ave Maria was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. And then being diagnosed with cancer less than 2 weeks later pummeled me to the ground so hard that getting out of my nest of tissues and blankets on the couch became my goal for the day; tackling repertoire study, vocal technique, coloratura, etc seemed a bit irrelevant.

Today I sing for hope. I sing today in celebration of the inner peace I feel in this moment. I sing because life is beautiful. I sing for love and I sing for fear (and I believe we fear only because we love, so all there really is is love). I sing for surrender and I sing for release.

 

Namaste👼🏼🕊✨

10 thoughts on “Today I sing.

  1. Good, Amy!! Singing is a wonderful gift for the singer, too! A deeper means of expression, and of release from inner turmoil. Do more of it!!

    I sang Ave Maria at my grandmother’s funeral, too, and had to quit after the first verse–it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, as well!

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    1. Thank you so much Kurt! Boy am I RUSTY! Its amazing how much things deteriorate after just a few days.. let alone MONTHS. But It felt soo good to sing.

      I feel like all of these emotional shifts that I’m experiencing as a result of my current situation will certainly inform a new depth and emotional vulnerability in my singing that I would not have otherwise had access to. I can’t wait to sing the heck out of some Mimi, and possibly even Violetta, if I can get my freight train of a voice to move again!!!

      Thank you so much for all of your support through this journey. I cannot wait to be singing with you in Chicago!

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  2. What great determination you have!! Keep it up and the results will be promising. You will get through this and you will become a success in the music world. Your voice is spectacular, the one that sings and the one that writes.

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  3. Dear Amy Great message and singing and most of that wonderful smile!! Looking forward to seeing you next week Note: I read this last night on our desktop (old school) but the audio wouldn’t work. Couldn’t wait to give it a try on our IPAD this AM It’s only 7:00 and you have made my day Thank you Apple. With much Love Karl

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  4. You have always inspired me and it seems you always will. This is beautiful, Amy. I’m so glad I had someone like you in high school to look up to and that you use your talents and amazing grace and attitude to motivate you through times such as these. Praying for you❤️

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    1. Thank you so much for your kindness and support Kathryn. So strange that just a few months prior to diagnosis, I was chatting with you about my audition schedule at Hicks and McCarthy. Life is funny sometimes, isn’t it? I appreciate the prayers, keep em’ comin’! Xoxo thank you for thinking of me.

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