It’s cancer

I received a phonecall from my surgeon last night. “I don’t have good news”. 

It’s cancer. Same pathology as before. Er/pr positive, her2 negative. 

Tumor cells were found in my lymphatic tissue which typically indicates extensive disease. Not necessarily always the case, but typically, is what I was told. 

Next week I have scans to capture the extent of disease. 
I have lots of questions. There has been a pea sized bump near my incision since I had the tissue expanders. Every doctor I’ve had look at it has told me it’s “probably nothing”, “a cyst”, or something completely benign. But with the sudden outburst of this cancerous rash, I’m not so sure anymore, especially considering that there’s documentation of skin metastasis taking this particular shape and form. I believe the current cancer outbreak is a result of leftover cancer cells from surgery, and not actually a “recurrence”. It’s also interesting timing wise in relation to the lupron injection. Lupron shuts down the ovaries, and it says on the sheet the oncologists gave me following my first injection that  Lupron can cause “tumor flare up” when it’s being used to treat active disease. I’m wondering if that dot by my mastectomy scar that’s been there all along was cancer, and this caused it to flare up…
I will know more next week. 
Strangely I’m calm. Because things can’t get too much worse. 

To my friends and family, thank you for being here for me. I’m sorry for being impossible to deal with at times. I do think the proper psychiatric diagnosis and it’s treatment is helping me to handle all this with a bit more grace. I feel like I’m handling this new chapter a bit differently than the first. This time, I don’t want to isolate. I want to enjoy this life however long I have left, with you all by my side. Xo. 

2 thoughts on “It’s cancer

  1. I’m so, so sorry to hear this, Amy. I know you are facing this with all the strength and grace you’ve gained along the way, but you are already STRONG and GRACEFUL. Whatever lies ahead, I’m listening and I care and I am honored to be among those walking alongside you. Sending hugs!

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    1. Thank you pat. This is gunna be a bumpy ride. I’m working on trying to be open to what this experience has to teach me. So far I’ve learned that I’m pretty pissed…. hoping to move from that place….

      Xo

      Like

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