Break the silence 

I have thought about blogging nearly a hundred times since my last post, and for one reason or another, it just wouldn’t actually happen. Until now. 

Truthfully, I felt intensely overwhelmed by the idea of updating this thing because so much has happened in a relatively short period of time-the question of where do I start?? would send me reeling so much that start, I would not…

Since my last post, I have gone from not-adjusted to this life as a person with metastatic cancer, to fairly well-adjusted (with some intense moods in between-I mean, I’m still me).

What’s been instrumental in facilitating this shift, you ask? (Maybe you’re not asking, maybe you don’t care at all!). So far, it’s been:

1. Support. 

My mom is incredible. As sturdy and dependable as the ground beneath us, as giving as Shel Silverstein’s tree. We might not always like each other, but I hope she knows how strong my love for her is. I’m lucky to have such a ferocious advocate as my mom and friend. 

My dad always can divert my attention with a lengthy scrabble game or a good pun. He is resourceful and inquisitive and loving. 

My aunts, uncles, and cousins have supported me in different ways through out this experience, whether it’s sharing meals, crafting, going for walks, having meaningful conversation… each relative has shown me they care in their own special way and I am thankful for each of them.

(I believe in earlier on in my experience with cancer, I projected a lot of anger onto those around me who truly weren’t responsible for it. That’s the hard part about a cancer diagnosis: there’s no real place to put the angerno person, no external source, no one to blame… )

The nurses at Pluta cancer center are earth-angels. Boundless compassion and wisdom unmatched. I don’t have enough words so that’s all I’m saying. 

Old faithful friends. Friends that have stuck around and accepted me where I’m at, regardless of how much they’d probably like to slap me when I’m in those particularly crappy locations. I do not have a million friends. But the ones who have shown me their character and their love for me by sticking around (some didn’t, ✌🏻️out, dollfaces) are as precious as the stars ✨ 

New friends. I have met some RIDICULOUS people in the last year. Good ridiculous. The best kind of ridiculous. I am so thankful. 

My dog. Riley is my most adored being on earth. Sorry, turtle doves. It’s just fact. She’s always there for a cuddle or a run. 

2. Integration of mental health and spirituality

I believe I am getting well in all regards, and I think this has to do with incorporating spirituality into my mental health recovery, as opposed to my compartmentalized approaches of the past. I am integrating what I am learning and experiencing with acupuncture, reiki, meditation, reciting the rosary (and other prayers) and other spiritual teachings and practices with concepts like mindfulness, radical acceptance, and other skills from CBT and DBT, and suddenly, the world makes more sense to me. The two worlds of mental health and spirituality seem inextricably linked to me now. Healing is spiritual…. (Almost like how the hell did I never see this before?)

By addressing my mental health, I am also addressing my spirituality, and vice-versa. I am doing a lot of painting lately as a mindfulness practice which makes me feel connected to source and altogether more centered. 


I want to share my latest thoughts on all of this but it’s 10:20 pm and I’m pooped so I’ll save it for another time… 

3. Being off chemotherapy. 

Pretty self explanitory.. chemo is a soul-suck. And a body-suck. It just suck-sucks.
I have so much more to say, but this was as good a start as any. ✨💕🌞

2 thoughts on “Break the silence 

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